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Eff Sh*t Up Friday – Balance is crap

I just did an AMAZING workshop in Holyoke, MA called Fanning the Flames! It is a Bird Girl Industries special event to help women tap into their passion to make a difference in their OWN communities!

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What I love about these workshops is that I get to go into places all over the country and talk to women in their own spaces, hear their stories, and give them amazeballs ideas to help them find their voice and speak their own truth.

9 out of 10 times when I am doing a workshop women inevitably ask me the same question, “How do you you find balance to do it all?”

Now let me just say, I am a Libra, we don’t mess around with balance. Hell, it is ALL about balance.

And then let me just say…BALANCE…is bullshit. It doesn’t exist. That isn’t real.

Yes I have kids…I hope they ate today And a spouse…I love making out with him And friends…each day one or two of them get a text that says, “I love you” And two dogs…30 minutes of walking a day And two cats…someone clean the litter box A house to clean…I love that Roomba Bills to pay…new google spreadsheet up and running Church…prayers y’all Teaching…there is no such thing as spring break for a part time professor Coaching…I made one of my clients cry this week and I want 6 more clients so I can play with them too Blogging…goddess bless this is good shit Writing…oh shit I forgot to finish writing that column for Rewire News

None of these things are balanced. They are all just things that I deal with in a day.


If you can find 5 minutes you can have a moment. My 5 minutes comes in the form of a fuzzy blanket I wrap up in on my bed, for literally 5 minutes. A big deep breath in the shower where I intentionally say good job girl, you woke up to do it again. Listening to Gwen play the piano and thinking oh she is getting so good. Hugging my little bugga boo every morning before he goes to get ready for school. Giving eye contact to the teenager so she knows she is seen. These things bring me a sense of peace…there is no balance…only a big ass deep breath at random times in the day.

To all of you who are overwhelmed. Who sit in my workshops and cry knowing you are finally being seen. Who talk with me on the phone about your big goals and your even bigger ideas. Who say you read what I wrote and you know now how you can engage in advocacy.

I see you. I hear you. I honor you. I am grateful for you.

There is no balance…balance is bullshit…there is only the intentional moment when you look at yourself in the mirror and say…”great job keeping the people you are responsible for alive for another day, I am so proud you didn’t kill the cat when it pooped on your carpet to make you mad.”

It’s Friday, fuck balance y’all… Dr. Melissa Bird

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